1
00:00:07,746 --> 00:00:10,575
Seriously? Max, you don't lead
with a high card.
2
00:00:10,749 --> 00:00:12,664
Haven't you ever played Whist?
3
00:00:12,838 --> 00:00:15,537
Sorry, I'm more familiar
with games that, you know, are
4
00:00:15,711 --> 00:00:16,712
from the last century.
5
00:00:16,973 --> 00:00:18,453
Okay, we're not that old.
6
00:00:18,627 --> 00:00:19,889
I've heard you complain
multiple times
7
00:00:20,063 --> 00:00:21,586
about the Earl of Sandwich.
8
00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:24,589
Because putting meat
between bread was my idea.
9
00:00:25,764 --> 00:00:26,722
What up, gang?
10
00:00:26,983 --> 00:00:28,158
Hello, my sweet wife.
11
00:00:28,506 --> 00:00:30,595
Jesse, you left your mug
in the sink again.
12
00:00:30,769 --> 00:00:32,206
The dishwasher is right here.
13
00:00:32,380 --> 00:00:33,859
I am so sorry. I'll do it now.
14
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,383
I shouldn't have
to remind you every time.
15
00:00:35,644 --> 00:00:37,167
What do I look like,
your mother?
16
00:00:37,341 --> 00:00:39,691
No one say anything.
17
00:00:39,865 --> 00:00:41,824
It's just inconsiderate.
I mean...
18
00:00:41,998 --> 00:00:43,521
You have no memory
of the mug, Phyllis.
19
00:00:43,782 --> 00:00:46,046
- Oh, hey, sweetie.
How was the gym?
- So good.
20
00:00:46,220 --> 00:00:48,309
Oh.
21
00:00:49,179 --> 00:00:50,528
H-How often does he do that?
22
00:00:50,746 --> 00:00:52,878
I mean, I get it when
it's about, you know...
23
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:56,534
- Good. Subtle.
- Seems like he uses it
for lots of little things, too.
24
00:00:56,708 --> 00:00:58,188
I guess, now that
you mention it,
25
00:00:58,362 --> 00:01:00,495
- he might lean on it a bit much.
- All right.
26
00:01:00,669 --> 00:01:02,062
- Love you.
- Jesse, are you just
27
00:01:02,236 --> 00:01:04,064
gonna leave your gym bag
on the floor?
28
00:01:04,325 --> 00:01:05,804
Sorry, I got it.
29
00:01:05,978 --> 00:01:06,936
Someone could trip over it.
30
00:01:07,110 --> 00:01:09,460
I mean, how inconsiderate can...
31
00:01:09,721 --> 00:01:11,071
It was never
on the ground, Phyllis.
32
00:01:11,245 --> 00:01:13,203
Oh, hey, sweetie.
How was the gym?
33
00:01:13,377 --> 00:01:14,857
- So good.
- Aw.
34
00:01:15,031 --> 00:01:17,033
God, I wish I could do that
to my wife.
35
00:01:17,207 --> 00:01:18,513
For instance,
36
00:01:18,904 --> 00:01:22,082
now would be a convenient time
for such a power.
37
00:01:22,256 --> 00:01:24,345
Whist.
38
00:01:29,915 --> 00:01:31,830
I am so exhausted.
39
00:01:32,004 --> 00:01:33,876
I'm getting zero sleep
in Mort and Henry's room.
40
00:01:34,137 --> 00:01:36,444
- Has Mort been snoring?
- I wish
he were snoring.
41
00:01:36,618 --> 00:01:38,010
It is so much worse.
42
00:01:38,228 --> 00:01:39,621
He's been working out
this new stand-up material
43
00:01:39,795 --> 00:01:41,318
about being a half-vampire.
44
00:01:41,492 --> 00:01:43,407
It's tough being half-vampire.
45
00:01:43,581 --> 00:01:45,627
You don't feel quite human,
46
00:01:45,801 --> 00:01:47,324
and full vampires like
to give you a hard time.
47
00:01:47,585 --> 00:01:49,065
They're like, "What,
you only have one fang?
48
00:01:49,239 --> 00:01:50,371
"You bite someone's neck
and it looks like
49
00:01:50,588 --> 00:01:51,981
you punched a hole
in a Capri-Sun?"
50
00:01:52,242 --> 00:01:53,852
It's not that
I don't think it's funny.
51
00:01:54,026 --> 00:01:55,550
It's just...
52
00:01:55,854 --> 00:01:57,726
it's hard to laugh in a world
so full of heartbreak.
53
00:01:57,900 --> 00:01:59,858
Mort, is there any way I could
hear your stand-up routine
54
00:02:00,032 --> 00:02:00,990
in the morning?
55
00:02:01,208 --> 00:02:02,165
Nah, comedy's better at night.
56
00:02:02,339 --> 00:02:04,080
Speaking of night,
57
00:02:04,254 --> 00:02:06,604
what time did the half-vampire
go to bed?
58
00:02:06,778 --> 00:02:08,084
Half-past.
59
00:02:08,258 --> 00:02:09,520
I am so tired.
60
00:02:09,694 --> 00:02:11,435
It's just a very specific niche,
61
00:02:11,609 --> 00:02:13,002
and I'm not sure
there's an audience for it.
62
00:02:13,176 --> 00:02:14,308
Look,
63
00:02:14,482 --> 00:02:16,527
I know that your dad
was against me
64
00:02:16,701 --> 00:02:17,833
sharing a room with you,
65
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,748
but maybe we could
revisit the idea?
66
00:02:19,922 --> 00:02:21,358
Obviously, I would love that,
but you know
67
00:02:21,532 --> 00:02:23,055
he's not gonna go for it.
68
00:02:23,317 --> 00:02:26,146
This is crazy.
I'm a vampire now. I live here.
69
00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:28,148
When is he gonna
warm up to me already?
70
00:02:28,322 --> 00:02:31,238
Look, there are worse things
than not being liked by my dad.
71
00:02:31,412 --> 00:02:33,065
For instance,
several of my boyfriends
72
00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:35,067
were killed by
a jealous stalker werewolf.
73
00:02:35,329 --> 00:02:37,548
Sorry I was gone
so long.
74
00:02:37,809 --> 00:02:39,463
With the skirts and the
crinolines and the petticoats,
75
00:02:39,637 --> 00:02:41,335
it's a whole production.
76
00:02:41,509 --> 00:02:42,814
Oh, my...
77
00:02:44,033 --> 00:02:45,991
Oh, come on, Larry.
78
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,168
I actually really liked
this one.
79
00:02:48,342 --> 00:02:50,953
Look, werewolves kill vampires.
That's just how it is.
80
00:02:51,127 --> 00:02:54,957
But, hey, uh,
now that you're single...
81
00:02:55,131 --> 00:02:56,306
It's not happening, Larry.
82
00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:58,569
- Oh, my God.
- Point is,
83
00:02:58,743 --> 00:02:59,875
it could be worse.
84
00:03:00,049 --> 00:03:01,964
So we sleep
in separate bedrooms,
85
00:03:02,138 --> 00:03:04,009
- it's not the end of the world.
- But we're adults.
86
00:03:04,271 --> 00:03:06,403
I mean, one of us is 250.
87
00:03:07,665 --> 00:03:09,406
A very young, happening 250.
88
00:03:09,580 --> 00:03:10,886
Nice save.
89
00:03:11,147 --> 00:03:13,758
Look, maybe we could
just talk to your dad?
90
00:03:13,932 --> 00:03:14,890
Plead our case?
91
00:03:15,151 --> 00:03:16,370
Max, there you are.
92
00:03:16,631 --> 00:03:18,763
What do you think of this?
93
00:03:18,937 --> 00:03:20,025
Knock, knock.
94
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,593
- Who's there?
- Ivana.
95
00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:24,856
Ivana who?
96
00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:26,118
Ivana suck some of your blood,
97
00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:28,295
but then also
eat some human food.
98
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:31,123
Half-vampire. Eh?
99
00:03:35,780 --> 00:03:38,043
Yeah, we'll talk to my dad.
Yeah.
100
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:41,786
That's right. I've been
alive this whole time.
101
00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:43,048
Oh, my God.
102
00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:45,225
I did not see that coming.
103
00:03:45,399 --> 00:03:47,227
- Jesse.
- Oh, crap.
104
00:03:47,488 --> 00:03:48,706
Is this April Forever?
105
00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:50,230
- No.
- Yes, it is.
106
00:03:50,404 --> 00:03:51,535
That's April,
who keeps repeating
107
00:03:51,709 --> 00:03:53,058
the same month over and over.
108
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,191
It's tax day? Again?
109
00:03:55,365 --> 00:03:56,801
It's not the best concept.
110
00:03:57,149 --> 00:04:00,022
I can't believe you watched
ahead. That's our show.
111
00:04:00,588 --> 00:04:03,373
I wasn't watching any prestige
drama without you, Phyllis.
112
00:04:04,374 --> 00:04:06,463
Oh, hey, guys.
Just sitting on the couch?
113
00:04:06,724 --> 00:04:09,466
- Yep. Just having a sit.
- Sounds good.
114
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,686
- Well, I'm off to mah-jongg.
- Okay.
115
00:04:11,947 --> 00:04:15,255
- Bye.
- See ya.
- You give 'em hell, hon.
116
00:04:15,429 --> 00:04:18,562
Woof, that was a close one.
117
00:04:18,736 --> 00:04:21,086
All right, back to it.
118
00:04:21,348 --> 00:04:22,479
- Jesse...
- Yeah?
119
00:04:22,697 --> 00:04:24,612
Do you ever feel like
maybe, sometimes,
120
00:04:24,786 --> 00:04:28,180
you overdo it
with wiping Phyllis's mind?
121
00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:30,139
- Where's this coming from?
- Well,
122
00:04:30,313 --> 00:04:32,489
Max pointed it out this morning,
123
00:04:32,663 --> 00:04:35,449
and now, I kind of
can't unsee it.
124
00:04:36,319 --> 00:04:39,017
And, yeah, I get it
with the vampire stuff,
125
00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:43,848
but you're using it to just
avoid little arguments.
126
00:04:44,022 --> 00:04:45,850
Yeah, I mean,
I don't like fighting,
127
00:04:46,111 --> 00:04:47,678
so, you know,
just makes things easier.
128
00:04:47,939 --> 00:04:49,419
Mm-hmm, but
129
00:04:49,767 --> 00:04:52,640
doesn't it seem like maybe
it's not super nice to Phyllis?
130
00:04:52,814 --> 00:04:56,513
Okay, that's a fair point.
131
00:04:56,774 --> 00:04:58,733
But counterpoint, you
and Charles fight all the time.
132
00:04:58,907 --> 00:05:01,866
So, you don't exactly
seem to be a model couple.
133
00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:04,478
I'm just saying,
maybe there's a happy medium
134
00:05:04,652 --> 00:05:07,176
between all the time
and complete avoidance.
135
00:05:07,437 --> 00:05:10,092
And sometimes,
fighting can lead to growth
136
00:05:10,266 --> 00:05:12,921
and deepened intimacy.
137
00:05:13,922 --> 00:05:15,793
You mean like...
138
00:05:15,967 --> 00:05:17,360
makeup sex?
139
00:05:17,621 --> 00:05:19,406
Have you experienced it?
140
00:05:19,580 --> 00:05:21,582
I mean, I've heard tales of it.
141
00:05:21,756 --> 00:05:26,413
Well, let me just say,
it is one hell of a ride.
142
00:05:28,066 --> 00:05:29,894
Dad... Max and I are gonna
143
00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:31,374
come talk to you
about sharing a room.
144
00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:33,637
I want you to listen,
hear us out,
145
00:05:33,811 --> 00:05:35,509
and then say, "Absolutely not."
146
00:05:35,770 --> 00:05:37,206
I-I'm confused.
147
00:05:37,467 --> 00:05:39,643
So you don't want
to share a room with Max?
148
00:05:39,817 --> 00:05:41,210
No. At least, not yet.
149
00:05:41,384 --> 00:05:42,994
We've never even
spent the night together.
150
00:05:43,168 --> 00:05:44,169
We've been physical, of course.
151
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:45,519
Do not need to hear this.
152
00:05:45,823 --> 00:05:47,042
But then, you turned him
into a vampire,
153
00:05:47,216 --> 00:05:48,348
and he had to move
into the house,
154
00:05:48,522 --> 00:05:50,045
and I love having him here,
155
00:05:50,306 --> 00:05:53,527
but I just feel like
I need some small space
156
00:05:53,701 --> 00:05:54,876
that's just my own.
157
00:05:55,137 --> 00:05:56,138
Well, why don't you
just tell him
158
00:05:56,312 --> 00:05:57,879
you don't want to share a room?
159
00:05:58,183 --> 00:06:00,055
Because he's sensitive.
I don't want to be the bad guy.
160
00:06:00,229 --> 00:06:01,752
And, you know,
it works coming from you
161
00:06:01,926 --> 00:06:03,232
'cause you're famously anti-Max.
162
00:06:03,493 --> 00:06:05,452
"Famously." I like that.
163
00:06:05,626 --> 00:06:08,019
- I like that people are talking.
- Please, Dad.
164
00:06:08,193 --> 00:06:10,848
I want to give this relationship
every chance to succeed.
165
00:06:11,022 --> 00:06:13,895
I just feel like
us sharing a room now,
166
00:06:14,156 --> 00:06:15,679
this soon...
167
00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:18,508
I worry it's the kind of thing
that could break us up.
168
00:06:19,248 --> 00:06:21,946
- You know what? I will help you.
- Thanks, Dad.
169
00:06:22,207 --> 00:06:25,863
And, obviously, this
conversation never happened.
170
00:06:26,037 --> 00:06:28,388
Oh, this is a fun side of you.
Very Machiavellian.
171
00:06:28,562 --> 00:06:29,824
You know, he gets a bad rap.
172
00:06:30,085 --> 00:06:31,695
He was actually
a wonderful fellow.
173
00:06:31,869 --> 00:06:33,610
Like, sure,
there was some scheming,
174
00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:36,483
but we were all scheming back
then. There wasn't much to do.
175
00:06:36,657 --> 00:06:38,963
Okay, I'm gonna
leave your office now.
176
00:06:39,137 --> 00:06:40,617
- Good talk.
- Okay, bye.
177
00:06:42,010 --> 00:06:45,361
So, there I was, in the middle
of Chico's with Judy Glaser,
178
00:06:45,535 --> 00:06:48,320
and here comes Carol Cooper,
so I say, "Hi, Carol."
179
00:06:48,495 --> 00:06:50,453
Friendly as can be,
and she walks right by,
180
00:06:50,714 --> 00:06:51,889
like she doesn't see us.
181
00:06:52,063 --> 00:06:53,108
That's great.
182
00:06:53,369 --> 00:06:55,545
Great? Why is it great?
183
00:06:55,719 --> 00:06:57,329
- Jesse, are you even listening?
- Huh?
184
00:06:57,504 --> 00:06:59,549
Oh, yeah, yeah,
I'm s-- I'm sorry.
185
00:06:59,723 --> 00:07:00,942
I was just quickly
checking the score.
186
00:07:01,116 --> 00:07:02,770
- I am all ears now.
- Okay.
187
00:07:03,031 --> 00:07:05,990
So, I figure Carol's got her
hearing aid turned down, fine.
188
00:07:06,164 --> 00:07:10,038
- But then, we're having
a quick bite at Panera's...
- Come on.
189
00:07:10,952 --> 00:07:12,301
Carol.
190
00:07:12,649 --> 00:07:14,477
Is what I would've said to her,
you know, for...
191
00:07:14,651 --> 00:07:16,218
doing what she did.
192
00:07:16,392 --> 00:07:17,393
You know what, Jesse,
just forget it.
193
00:07:17,567 --> 00:07:19,003
I don't even know why I bother.
194
00:07:19,177 --> 00:07:20,875
Hey, you're not always
listening when I talk.
195
00:07:21,049 --> 00:07:24,226
Oh, I'm sorry, let me hear again
the riveting retelling
196
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:25,836
of the recent
Men's Health article
197
00:07:26,010 --> 00:07:27,403
you read on interval training.
198
00:07:27,577 --> 00:07:29,100
It was interesting.
199
00:07:29,274 --> 00:07:30,450
Said nobody ever.
200
00:07:30,624 --> 00:07:33,061
Unbelievable. You know what?
201
00:07:34,018 --> 00:07:35,498
What are you doing
with your hand?
202
00:07:37,718 --> 00:07:38,849
Actually...
203
00:07:39,023 --> 00:07:40,460
nothing.
204
00:07:40,634 --> 00:07:41,765
Phyllis, let's have a fight.
205
00:07:42,026 --> 00:07:43,593
That's what we're doing,
you moron.
206
00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:46,030
- Okay, don't call me a moron.
- Then don't be one.
207
00:07:46,204 --> 00:07:47,292
Wow.
208
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:48,642
This is really happening.
209
00:07:48,816 --> 00:07:50,339
What are you talking about?
210
00:07:50,687 --> 00:07:52,036
I'm so, so sorry. You go,
you go, you go. No, let me go.
211
00:07:52,210 --> 00:07:54,169
I-I don't know
how this works exactly,
212
00:07:54,343 --> 00:07:55,866
but I am excited to find out.
213
00:08:01,611 --> 00:08:03,395
Dad, do you have a minute?
It's kind of important.
214
00:08:03,657 --> 00:08:04,701
Well, this is certainly
unexpected,
215
00:08:04,962 --> 00:08:06,921
but for you two,
I can make time.
216
00:08:07,095 --> 00:08:08,444
Look, I know that
you're old-fashioned,
217
00:08:08,662 --> 00:08:10,228
but these days,
it's actually very common
218
00:08:10,446 --> 00:08:12,709
for couples like Emma and myself
to sleep in the same room,
219
00:08:12,883 --> 00:08:15,320
even outside
the confines of marriage.
220
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,453
We're asking you
to reconsider your decision
221
00:08:17,627 --> 00:08:19,107
about Max and me sharing a room
222
00:08:19,281 --> 00:08:21,588
because it's very, very
important to me.
223
00:08:23,241 --> 00:08:24,634
Fine with me.
224
00:08:24,808 --> 00:08:26,288
- Really?
- What?
225
00:08:26,549 --> 00:08:28,072
Who am I to get in the way
of two consenting adults
226
00:08:28,246 --> 00:08:29,944
who obviously just want
to take their relationship
227
00:08:30,118 --> 00:08:31,902
- to the next level?
- That's great, Charles.
228
00:08:32,163 --> 00:08:33,513
We really appreciate it.
229
00:08:33,774 --> 00:08:35,079
You're sure about this, Dad?
230
00:08:35,384 --> 00:08:37,299
- I have no objections, Emma.
- Well, if you did,
231
00:08:37,473 --> 00:08:39,170
I don't think anyone
would be surprised,
232
00:08:39,431 --> 00:08:41,042
seeing as how that would be very
consistent with your character.
233
00:08:41,216 --> 00:08:44,132
Uh, honey, come on. "Don't
sell past yes," am I right?
234
00:08:44,306 --> 00:08:46,264
Maybe I'm just feeling generous,
but you have my blessing.
235
00:08:46,438 --> 00:08:47,744
This wasn't the plan, Dad.
236
00:08:47,918 --> 00:08:49,224
The plan?
237
00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:51,487
What-what-what is happening?
238
00:08:51,661 --> 00:08:54,055
Yes, Emma, pray tell us.
What is happening?
239
00:08:54,229 --> 00:08:55,317
You were supposed to say no.
240
00:08:55,491 --> 00:08:57,624
Wait, what? W-What is going on?
241
00:08:57,885 --> 00:09:00,104
Okay, Max, here's the deal.
242
00:09:00,365 --> 00:09:02,716
I was concerned about us
sharing a room so quickly,
243
00:09:02,890 --> 00:09:05,675
so I told my dad to say no
when we asked.
244
00:09:05,849 --> 00:09:08,417
Wait, so you-you don't want
to share a room with me?
245
00:09:08,591 --> 00:09:10,419
Not yet.
246
00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:11,855
So you lied?
247
00:09:12,029 --> 00:09:13,640
Why didn't you just tell me?
248
00:09:13,814 --> 00:09:15,685
Because I didn't want
to hurt your feelings.
249
00:09:15,859 --> 00:09:17,861
Oh, well, mission accomplished.
I feel awesome.
250
00:09:18,035 --> 00:09:19,776
- No. Max, I'm...
- No, I...
251
00:09:20,037 --> 00:09:21,125
I'm sorry.
252
00:09:23,127 --> 00:09:24,999
What the hell, Dad?
What happened to the plan?
253
00:09:25,173 --> 00:09:27,262
After we finished
our father-daughter scheming,
254
00:09:27,523 --> 00:09:29,873
I went off and did some
solo scheming, and I figured,
255
00:09:30,047 --> 00:09:32,093
rather than do something
that would help
256
00:09:32,267 --> 00:09:33,573
your relationship with Max,
257
00:09:33,834 --> 00:09:35,096
I could go the other way.
258
00:09:35,313 --> 00:09:36,924
So you're trying
to break us up on purpose?
259
00:09:37,098 --> 00:09:39,579
I just think you can do better.
Is that a surprise?
260
00:09:39,753 --> 00:09:42,886
I'm famously anti-Max.
Your words.
261
00:09:43,060 --> 00:09:44,279
Can't believe you.
262
00:09:44,453 --> 00:09:45,759
Here's a tip: don't make deals
263
00:09:45,933 --> 00:09:47,804
with people who reference
Machiavelli.
264
00:09:48,631 --> 00:09:50,459
- As long as you carry...
- Oh, Liz. Liz.
265
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:54,071
- I took your advice.
I stopped wiping my wife.
- Oh.
266
00:09:54,245 --> 00:09:55,159
Even when you know
what it means,
267
00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:56,857
it still doesn't sound good.
268
00:09:57,074 --> 00:09:58,554
- Seriously, Dad? What happened?
- I realized
269
00:09:58,728 --> 00:10:00,295
I can't keep doing that
to your mother all the time.
270
00:10:00,469 --> 00:10:03,037
I mean, I thought that I was
avoiding confrontation, but
271
00:10:03,211 --> 00:10:05,126
I was really avoiding intimacy,
272
00:10:05,387 --> 00:10:06,736
aka makeup sex.
273
00:10:06,910 --> 00:10:08,651
Those are Liz's wise words.
274
00:10:08,912 --> 00:10:10,522
Okay, he's paraphrasing.
275
00:10:10,827 --> 00:10:14,962
The point is, boys, your mother
and I just had a brutal fight.
276
00:10:15,136 --> 00:10:16,746
And it was awesome.
277
00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:18,792
I mean, it was rough sledding
at first.
278
00:10:18,966 --> 00:10:20,968
Like, she would say something
that upset me, right?
279
00:10:21,142 --> 00:10:23,927
But then, I would say something
back that upset her.
280
00:10:24,101 --> 00:10:26,016
An argument, right.
You're describing an argument.
281
00:10:26,190 --> 00:10:27,365
But then,
the craziest thing happened.
282
00:10:27,539 --> 00:10:30,194
We actually started listening
283
00:10:30,368 --> 00:10:33,023
to each other's point of view
and connecting.
284
00:10:33,284 --> 00:10:34,721
- Dad, that's awesome.
- I mean, it started out
285
00:10:34,895 --> 00:10:36,418
as a fight about me
not listening
286
00:10:36,592 --> 00:10:38,159
to her boring-ass
mah-jongg group stories,
287
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:39,813
but what I came to realize,
288
00:10:39,987 --> 00:10:42,293
through the miracle
of conversation,
289
00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:44,121
is that the stories
are unimportant.
290
00:10:44,295 --> 00:10:45,601
What's important
is me showing that
291
00:10:45,775 --> 00:10:47,951
I care enough about our marriage
292
00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:49,387
to give her my full attention.
293
00:10:49,561 --> 00:10:50,867
Remarkable.
294
00:10:51,041 --> 00:10:52,739
Partly that
it took you 180 years
295
00:10:52,913 --> 00:10:54,131
to come to
this kind of realization,
296
00:10:54,305 --> 00:10:56,525
but also that
you've made this stride.
297
00:10:56,786 --> 00:10:58,614
Yeah, proud of you, Dad.
298
00:10:58,788 --> 00:11:00,181
Thank you, son.
Oh, hey, Phyllis.
299
00:11:00,355 --> 00:11:01,486
You come in here for a second?
300
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,924
I got to make up for lost time.
301
00:11:04,098 --> 00:11:05,665
- Yes?
- Honey.
302
00:11:05,882 --> 00:11:07,754
You know that vase of yours
that the cleaning lady broke
303
00:11:07,928 --> 00:11:09,320
ten years ago?
304
00:11:09,494 --> 00:11:11,888
Ugh, I loved that vase.
And Sandra denied it.
305
00:11:12,062 --> 00:11:12,889
The nerve.
306
00:11:13,063 --> 00:11:14,891
Well, it was me. I broke it.
307
00:11:15,239 --> 00:11:17,589
- What?
- I was trying to learn to spin
a basketball on my finger.
308
00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:19,156
What?
309
00:11:19,330 --> 00:11:20,854
Let's get into it.
310
00:11:21,028 --> 00:11:25,423
Oh, man, I love you.
311
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,513
And I love makeup sex.
312
00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:29,906
You're both great.
313
00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:31,952
Good thing you already
broke that vase
314
00:11:32,126 --> 00:11:34,302
'cause we definitely would've
knocked it off the nightstand.
315
00:11:34,476 --> 00:11:36,739
Yeah, we would've.
316
00:11:37,566 --> 00:11:40,612
By the way, I'm so glad you were
honest with me about that.
317
00:11:40,787 --> 00:11:44,399
- I love that you and I
don't have any secrets.
- Oh.
318
00:11:45,269 --> 00:11:47,010
It's amazing, right?
319
00:11:47,184 --> 00:11:49,404
We can be totally open
with each other.
320
00:11:49,578 --> 00:11:51,667
Yeah.
321
00:11:53,408 --> 00:11:56,019
In fact...
322
00:11:56,193 --> 00:11:58,674
I want to be totally,
totally open.
323
00:11:58,848 --> 00:12:01,764
- There's something
I haven't told you.
- Really?
324
00:12:01,938 --> 00:12:04,071
Yeah.
325
00:12:04,245 --> 00:12:06,203
You see, the thing is...
326
00:12:06,377 --> 00:12:07,727
I'm a vampire.
327
00:12:07,988 --> 00:12:10,860
Yeah, you are.
328
00:12:11,034 --> 00:12:13,254
Oh, no, no, no.
I wasn't doing sexy talk.
329
00:12:13,428 --> 00:12:15,517
- Is that a thing people say?
- Oh. I don't know.
330
00:12:15,691 --> 00:12:17,040
I thought I was
learning it from you.
331
00:12:17,214 --> 00:12:20,914
Oh, no, s-sorry,
what I meant was...
332
00:12:22,916 --> 00:12:26,180
...I'm a vampire. We all are.
333
00:12:36,668 --> 00:12:38,192
- Help! Help! Stay away from me.
- Honey, honey, honey, it's okay.
334
00:12:38,453 --> 00:12:39,236
- No, it's okay.
- Stay away from me, all of you.
335
00:12:39,410 --> 00:12:40,977
Vampires!
336
00:12:41,151 --> 00:12:42,413
So, I told Phyllis that
337
00:12:42,805 --> 00:12:45,068
we are vampires,
and she did not take it well.
338
00:12:45,242 --> 00:12:46,374
Help!
339
00:12:46,548 --> 00:12:48,202
Vampires! Help!
340
00:12:48,463 --> 00:12:50,726
This is gonna get annoying.
Mind if I just...
341
00:12:51,988 --> 00:12:54,991
- Thank you.
- Much better.
342
00:12:55,165 --> 00:12:56,558
Did not know she could do that.
343
00:12:56,732 --> 00:12:58,473
She's the only one
with the power in the coven.
344
00:12:58,647 --> 00:13:00,127
- Pretty cool, right?
- But it only works
on humans.
345
00:13:00,301 --> 00:13:02,085
And she can only do it
to one person at a time.
346
00:13:02,346 --> 00:13:03,478
Okay, guys, jealous much?
347
00:13:03,652 --> 00:13:04,784
Wait, I was pretty
recently human.
348
00:13:04,958 --> 00:13:06,611
- Did you ever freeze me?
- Um...
349
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,831
All right, tonight,
your education
350
00:13:09,005 --> 00:13:11,660
in jazz great
Art Pepper begins.
351
00:13:11,834 --> 00:13:14,184
It's like
he's in the room, right?
352
00:13:14,358 --> 00:13:18,014
Yeah, it's, uh,
really something.
353
00:13:18,188 --> 00:13:20,060
Well, that's why
I run two tone arms,
354
00:13:20,234 --> 00:13:22,279
so you can use a stereo cart
and a mono cart.
355
00:13:22,453 --> 00:13:25,065
You see,
the thing about jazz is...
356
00:13:25,239 --> 00:13:27,894
Sorry, Max, I just need
a little break.
357
00:13:28,068 --> 00:13:30,244
Only during peak jazz talk.
358
00:13:30,418 --> 00:13:32,289
Yeah, I guess I can be
pretty obnoxious sometimes.
359
00:13:32,463 --> 00:13:33,769
I could see why
you wouldn't want to share
360
00:13:33,943 --> 00:13:35,075
a room with someone like that.
361
00:13:35,249 --> 00:13:36,424
Max, it's not that. Listen,
362
00:13:36,598 --> 00:13:38,339
- about before...
- Bigger fish.
363
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:41,777
Jesse, how could you share
our secret with Phyllis?
364
00:13:41,951 --> 00:13:43,431
You had no right to do that.
365
00:13:43,692 --> 00:13:45,302
You need to mind-wipe
her right now, please.
366
00:13:45,476 --> 00:13:48,218
Yeah, but I'm trying to be
more open and communicative.
367
00:13:48,392 --> 00:13:49,393
You know, more mature.
368
00:13:49,567 --> 00:13:51,004
Why, after two centuries,
369
00:13:51,178 --> 00:13:52,919
are you suddenly trying
to be mature?
370
00:13:53,093 --> 00:13:55,182
Well, because Liz said that
Max said that it wasn't nice,
371
00:13:55,356 --> 00:13:57,184
all the wiping.
372
00:13:57,619 --> 00:14:00,013
- I mean, they're not wrong.
- Yeah, Dad, it doesn't
seem very nice.
373
00:14:00,187 --> 00:14:02,406
Jesse, in fairness, we were
talking about you wiping her
374
00:14:02,580 --> 00:14:05,105
to avoid confrontation
over everyday matters,
375
00:14:05,279 --> 00:14:07,063
like emptying the dishwasher
376
00:14:07,237 --> 00:14:08,891
or putting the toilet seat down.
377
00:14:09,109 --> 00:14:11,415
Yeah, the vampire thing
is sort of a whole other level.
378
00:14:11,589 --> 00:14:14,244
And, love her to death, but
Phyllis is a bit of a gossip.
379
00:14:14,418 --> 00:14:16,246
And if we got exposed,
380
00:14:16,420 --> 00:14:18,074
things could go
very badly for us.
381
00:14:18,248 --> 00:14:20,555
We do not want to get
back on the radar
382
00:14:20,729 --> 00:14:22,252
of vampire hunters
or werewolves.
383
00:14:22,426 --> 00:14:24,820
Especially with the chalice
being destroyed.
384
00:14:25,081 --> 00:14:26,517
Oh, Max, do you know about
Larry, the stalker werewolf?
385
00:14:26,691 --> 00:14:29,346
Yeah, I've heard some
pretty upsetting things.
386
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:30,782
I would not want
to be in your shoes.
387
00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:33,785
Apparently,
that guy is hardcore.
388
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,135
Thanks.
389
00:14:35,352 --> 00:14:36,832
Even short of something
catastrophic,
390
00:14:37,006 --> 00:14:37,964
if we were found out,
391
00:14:38,225 --> 00:14:39,922
we would have to move again.
392
00:14:40,096 --> 00:14:41,358
Uproot our lives.
393
00:14:41,532 --> 00:14:43,230
Jesse, the clock is ticking.
394
00:14:43,404 --> 00:14:44,622
You need to mind-wipe her
right now
395
00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:46,668
before the memory
becomes permanent.
396
00:14:48,061 --> 00:14:49,497
Do I have to?
397
00:14:49,671 --> 00:14:50,890
Jesse...
398
00:14:51,064 --> 00:14:52,717
Fine.
399
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,981
You're doing
the right thing, Jesse.
400
00:14:59,420 --> 00:15:01,552
Help! Wait,
401
00:15:01,726 --> 00:15:03,815
weren't you all standing
in different places?
402
00:15:04,425 --> 00:15:06,688
Phyllis, you don't remember
anything I said
403
00:15:06,949 --> 00:15:08,385
about us being vampires.
404
00:15:09,386 --> 00:15:10,822
Oh, hey, everybody.
405
00:15:10,997 --> 00:15:12,868
Anyone want to go
to Michael's Crafts?
406
00:15:13,129 --> 00:15:14,826
Hello, Phyllis.
407
00:15:15,088 --> 00:15:17,220
Wait, why is my throat sore?
408
00:15:17,481 --> 00:15:20,093
Ugh, I hope I'm not coming down
with the plague again.
409
00:15:27,578 --> 00:15:29,363
Is that bebop?
410
00:15:29,624 --> 00:15:31,452
Are you bebopping right now?
411
00:15:31,713 --> 00:15:34,368
I feel like you're just
guessing, so it's annoying, but
412
00:15:34,629 --> 00:15:35,717
yeah.
413
00:15:35,891 --> 00:15:38,938
Listen, Max,
I just wanted to say...
414
00:15:39,112 --> 00:15:40,461
I'm really sorry.
415
00:15:40,722 --> 00:15:42,680
I just don't get it.
Instead of being honest with me,
416
00:15:42,854 --> 00:15:44,987
you concocted some sort of
elaborate ruse.
417
00:15:45,161 --> 00:15:47,250
- It wasn't that elaborate.
- Don't defend the ruse.
418
00:15:47,424 --> 00:15:48,599
The victim of the ruse
gets to choose
419
00:15:48,773 --> 00:15:49,731
the adjectives
to describe the ruse.
420
00:15:49,992 --> 00:15:51,341
You're right.
421
00:15:52,342 --> 00:15:55,955
The thing is, I do want
to live with you.
422
00:15:56,912 --> 00:15:58,131
Eventually.
423
00:15:58,348 --> 00:16:01,047
But everything has
happened so fast,
424
00:16:01,221 --> 00:16:03,353
and I'm scared that,
425
00:16:03,527 --> 00:16:06,443
if we rush this, we're going
to ruin something great.
426
00:16:06,617 --> 00:16:09,142
Yeah, Emma, I'm scared, too.
427
00:16:09,316 --> 00:16:12,145
I'm scared of moving too fast
or getting hurt.
428
00:16:12,319 --> 00:16:14,060
I'm scared of your
jealous werewolf stalker,
429
00:16:14,234 --> 00:16:15,409
who apparently
loves dismembering
430
00:16:15,670 --> 00:16:16,453
all of your boyfriends.
431
00:16:16,627 --> 00:16:18,803
It was just... four of them.
432
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:20,153
One survived.
433
00:16:20,414 --> 00:16:21,458
Though, it was almost
worse for him.
434
00:16:21,632 --> 00:16:23,373
Yeah, not helping.
435
00:16:23,547 --> 00:16:24,984
The point is, I get it.
436
00:16:25,245 --> 00:16:26,768
If you're not ready,
you're not ready.
437
00:16:26,942 --> 00:16:28,726
And I respect that.
438
00:16:28,900 --> 00:16:30,598
You can have
all the time you need.
439
00:16:30,772 --> 00:16:32,861
Thank you, Max.
440
00:16:35,385 --> 00:16:36,996
Okay.
441
00:16:39,085 --> 00:16:41,217
- I think I'm ready now.
- What?
442
00:16:41,391 --> 00:16:43,219
Well, something about you
so thoughtfully
443
00:16:43,393 --> 00:16:45,439
respecting my boundaries.
It's kind of hot.
444
00:16:45,613 --> 00:16:48,616
Okay, but I meant what I said.
445
00:16:48,877 --> 00:16:50,139
You can take some time.
446
00:16:50,313 --> 00:16:51,880
I really want you to be sure.
447
00:16:52,054 --> 00:16:53,838
Max, don't sell past yes.
448
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,623
Oh, copy that.
449
00:17:00,149 --> 00:17:02,064
All right, so we're doing this?
450
00:17:02,238 --> 00:17:03,152
Think we're doing this.
451
00:17:03,413 --> 00:17:04,284
- Yeah? Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
452
00:17:04,545 --> 00:17:05,589
Awesome. Uh, well,
453
00:17:05,807 --> 00:17:07,026
I can grab
some stuff to move in.
454
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:08,766
I can get my clothes,
uh, the turntable...
455
00:17:08,940 --> 00:17:11,117
- Mm... mm-mm.
- No, the turntable
stays down here.
456
00:17:11,291 --> 00:17:13,249
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- Yes. Yeah.
457
00:17:13,423 --> 00:17:15,208
Great acoustics down here.
458
00:17:17,384 --> 00:17:19,299
Dad, can we talk to you?
459
00:17:19,473 --> 00:17:20,909
Yeah, what's going on, boys?
460
00:17:21,127 --> 00:17:23,607
We were discussing, uh,
what happened earlier,
461
00:17:23,781 --> 00:17:25,348
and we get looking out
for the coven...
462
00:17:25,609 --> 00:17:27,481
But there are two families
in this house.
463
00:17:27,655 --> 00:17:29,526
One that doesn't keep secrets
from each other.
464
00:17:29,700 --> 00:17:30,788
And one that's us.
465
00:17:30,962 --> 00:17:32,964
What are you guys saying?
466
00:17:33,139 --> 00:17:36,098
We spend our whole lives
467
00:17:36,272 --> 00:17:38,840
having to keep a secret
from the world.
468
00:17:39,014 --> 00:17:40,798
We don't want to have to do that
in our own home.
469
00:17:40,972 --> 00:17:42,887
We want to tell our mom
about our lives.
470
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,411
Our wins. Our troubles.
471
00:17:44,585 --> 00:17:46,761
Our half-vampire related
stand-up chunk.
472
00:17:46,935 --> 00:17:51,026
The point is, we want Mom
to know who we really are.
473
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,549
It's time.
474
00:17:53,420 --> 00:17:54,986
Guys.
475
00:17:55,161 --> 00:17:57,076
Come here.
476
00:18:00,775 --> 00:18:02,516
Listen.
477
00:18:02,690 --> 00:18:04,735
I know that this is really hard,
478
00:18:04,909 --> 00:18:06,998
but we have to respect
what the coven says.
479
00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:09,349
It's not just up to us.
480
00:18:11,002 --> 00:18:12,917
But isn't it?
481
00:18:21,665 --> 00:18:23,058
Where are we going?
482
00:18:23,232 --> 00:18:25,408
I don't think this is the way
to Michael's Crafts.
483
00:18:25,582 --> 00:18:28,107
Although, if we keeping driving,
we'll run into another one.
484
00:18:28,281 --> 00:18:30,021
That's the great thing
about Michael's.
485
00:18:30,283 --> 00:18:32,198
- That and their
incredible coupons.
- Incredible coupons.
486
00:18:41,946 --> 00:18:43,731
Well, here we are.
487
00:18:43,992 --> 00:18:45,341
What's going on?
488
00:18:45,515 --> 00:18:47,430
- We're in the middle of nowhere.
- Phyllis...
489
00:18:47,604 --> 00:18:49,128
Babe.
490
00:18:49,389 --> 00:18:51,130
There's something
I have to tell you.
491
00:18:57,092 --> 00:19:00,269
It's okay, babe!
Just run it out!
492
00:19:02,228 --> 00:19:04,055
Actually, I'm just gonna
keep an eye on you,
493
00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:06,145
make sure the coyotes stay away.
494
00:19:09,844 --> 00:19:11,628
I'm right here
when you're ready to talk!
495
00:19:13,761 --> 00:19:16,503
I love that we're communicating!
496
00:19:23,074 --> 00:19:25,512
So what do you think so far?
This isn't too bad, right?
497
00:19:25,686 --> 00:19:27,949
Does he have to be
staring at us like that?
498
00:19:28,123 --> 00:19:28,906
Who? Thelonious?
499
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:31,126
He's watching over us.
500
00:19:32,693 --> 00:19:35,261
Sure. Yeah,
I-I can take it down.
501
00:19:35,522 --> 00:19:36,958
See? We're communicating.
502
00:19:37,132 --> 00:19:39,090
That's how you
work through issues,
503
00:19:39,265 --> 00:19:40,396
before they even become issues.
504
00:19:40,657 --> 00:19:42,311
Heck yeah. Take that, Dad.
505
00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:45,488
I was saying like,
"In your face," metaphorically,
506
00:19:45,662 --> 00:19:46,750
to my dad.
I wasn't calling you "Dad."
507
00:19:46,924 --> 00:19:48,665
- No, I-I got it. Yeah.
- Okay.
508
00:19:49,362 --> 00:19:51,277
I'm excited about this, Max.
509
00:19:51,451 --> 00:19:53,061
Thanks for being patient
with me,
510
00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:54,367
and for talking me through it.
511
00:19:54,628 --> 00:19:56,238
- I'm excited, too.
- And you're right,
512
00:19:56,412 --> 00:19:59,502
there's nothing to be
afraid of. We can do this.
513
00:20:00,547 --> 00:20:02,026
Good night, sweetie.
514
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:03,419
Good night, babe.
515
00:20:17,433 --> 00:20:20,393
Yeah, this is... good.
516
00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:31,099
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517
00:20:31,273 --> 00:20:34,494
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